Episode 26

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Published on:

18th Jan 2021

Showing Up As Your Authentic Self is More Important Than Fitting In l E26 Jay Williams

Today’s guest is Jay Williams, the Founder of Maskless Men, an community based organization built for men to discuss the things we normally don’t get to talk about: break ups, emotions, family and parenting issues, sex, porn, the feeling of being inadequate, and more.

Jay started Maskless Men after he saw the need for men to have a place to open up, share how they’re feeling, and gain some reassurance.

In this conversation, Jay will talk about his 28 years of wearing what he calls masks.

After being the good child, the agreeable and pleasing boyfriend, the tough, macho man at work, the loud, confident, funny friend, Jay decided he had enough. He became exhausted acting as a different personality depending on who he was with. He built the courage to take off the mask, go on a journey of self-discovery, and start showing up as his true authentic self.

By listening to this episode, I hope you’ll begin to reflect how your upbringing may be affecting your relationships today, why showing up as your authentic self is more important than fitting in, and making a claim against outdated, harmful societal norm that men can’t express their feelings.

 

Key Takeaways:

[2:28] How Jay’s childhood influenced his commitment issues later in life

[14:55] Wearing different masks to fit into your environment

[23:57] Why can’t men talk about their feelings

[50:21] Having pride for being a male

 

Favorite Quotes:

[6:57] “I’m terrified that what happened to my mom and dad is what is going to happen to me.”

[29:21] “And he turned around and said...I want that too.”

[44:37] “When you are in your head, you’re dead.”

[53:20] “We are not our behaviors. Our behaviors are just a way of expressing what we are needing or feeling”

 

Mentions:

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman (https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X)

The Landmark Forum (https://www.landmarkworldwide.com/)

 

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FI Minded - Financial Independence, Early Retirement & Lifestyle Design
Achieve Financial Independence & Have Fun Doing It
Pursuing financial independence, financial freedom, or early retirement often leads to the same questions: How do I become financially independent? How much should I save? What happens after I reach FI?

FI Minded helps you use money to create more freedom, without turning your entire life into a financial optimization project.

Host Justin Peters explores the decisions behind building a flexible, work-optional life, from reaching financial independence and navigating Coast FI and Slow FI to spending your money, changing careers, stepping away from work, and figuring out what comes after FI.

Each episode combines practical personal finance with conversations about early retirement, lifestyle design, work, spending, healthcare, self-employment, and life after financial independence. The goal isn't simply to reach FI as quickly as possible. It's to make progress toward financial freedom while actually enjoying your life along the way.

On FI Minded, you'll learn how to:
- Reach financial independence without burning out
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- Navigate Coast FI, Slow FI, and other paths to FI
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- Think through the tradeoffs behind major money and lifestyle decisions
- Make progress toward financial independence while actually living your life.

Some of our past guests include Carl Jensen (1500 Days), Jeremy Schneider (Personal Finance Club), Nick Loper (Side Hustle Show), Andrew Giancola (The Personal Finance Podcast), Jordan Grumet (Earn & Invest), Rachael Camp (Work Optional), Jillian Johnsrud (Retire Often), Sean Mullaney (FI Tax Guy), Jill Sirianni (Frugal Friends), Jackie Cummings-Koski (Catching Up to FI), Joel Larsgaard (How to Money), Cody Garrett (Measure Twice), Jesse Cramer (Personal Finance for Long-Term Investors), Jess (The Fioneers), Chris Hutchins (All The Hacks), Diania Merriam (EconoMe), Andy Hill (Marriage Kids Money), Fritz Gilbert (Retirement Manifesto), Maggie Tucker (Inside Out Money), Cody Berman (The Financial Independence Show), Joe Saul-Sehy (Stacking Benjamins), Doug Cunnington (Mile High FI), and and others helping you rethink how to approach financial independence.
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